Wizard of Oz II
by Ek01
Summary: Dorothy, now college-aged, returns to Oz after a disastrous trip to Australia, wherein the cool, new age hippy-princess Ozma is crowned queen, and she and some new friends must defeat an ancient evil.
1. Land Down Blunder

/

Hey, it's Dorothy ag'in.

Can you believe it? Fourteen years've gone by since I entered that H.R Pufnstuf world when I was a kid.

I'm now 22, an in my 3rd year of college--Auntie Em an' Uncle Henry've moved to th' old folk's home, and I've partially dropped my hick accent.

Toto's still with me though, bein' since I moved to th' city and got a place of my own. I was livin' a normal life for once, and I thought I'd never see that crazy place again...

Until last week however.

/

(..cue digeridoo music)

A body was being dragged across the desert. It was covered in dirt, and could hardly move, dragging itself only by its hands. Suddenly, it looked up—at last, a watering hole, surrounded by emus and lizards!

The body, or rather the body of Dorothy Gale got up and ran towards the water. She drank and drank, and placed the water over her forehead and hair.

Dorothy had been the subject of a cruel prank by her college peers—hours ago, they pushed her off their Jeep while on a wildlife tour in the Australian Outback.

Since they didnʼt allow pets on the flight from Kansas, Toto was unfortunately left behind.

"Ah hate thʼ 90ʼs.." she said in her normal, country accent, relieved that no preppy teacherʼs pets could hear her.

Suddenly, something rustled in the bushes. Dorothy looked closer and pulled them back to find a cute, small, black and white chicken. Dorothy stared at the strange bird—an Australorp chicken—she realized, the countryʼs exclusive breed of chicken.

This was a great reminder of what she used to do...back on the farm.

"Ahʼll call you...Billina." Said Dorothy, picking up the "chook" as most people called it down under, and hugged it.

Once Dorothy was admiring her new friend, she looked and did not notice at all that a tornado was right behind her! She floated into the air, and got knocked out by a eucalyptus branch.


	2. From Aus 2 Oz

"Uhhh.." Dorothy sighed. "That was a terrible dream...but Iʼm glad itʼs all over now...right, Toto?" Said Dorothy.

"Yip! Yip!" Toto barked, licking her face and letting it feel his black fur.

"Yeah, itʼs jusʼ you and me no—TOTO?!!" She Exclaimed in disbelief, staring at the little dog before her.

"WHATʼRE YOU DOINʼ HERE?!!AHʼM IN AUSTRALI—OZ?!!!" She

stammered.

"Ay!" Said another voice. "Whatʼs all this now, mate? Oi was jusʼ walkinʼ thru the desert anʼ itʼs suddenly all colourful like lolly

water an—"

Dorothy suddenly looked down to find Billina...talking?!

"Billina?!" She exclaimed.

The chicken looked at Dorothy and

placed a wing to her beak.

"WALTZINʼ MATILDA—I CAN TALK!!"

¡"Bievenidos a Oz, Dorothy!!"

Exclaimed a small munchkin who suddenly appeared. He had tanner skin than most munchkins, and wore a large sombrero and a white shirt with white shorts.

"Hola?" Said Dorothy. "Who are you?"

"¡Soy Ojo de Suerte!" The munchkin smiled. He handed her a little note. "Has sido invitado a la barbacoa en el almuerzo."

"A barbecue?" Replied Dorothy as she read the invitation. "I'll be there, little buddy."

"¡Gracias con muchos!" The little

munchkin hugged Dorothy. "¡Adios!"

"¡De nada!" Replied Dorothy, remembering her fifth-period Spanish class. "Didn't know they

could speak Spanish."

"What the devil is that bloke wearinʼ?!" Exclaimed Billina,

looking off to the side.

Dorothy looked as well to find the Scarecrow striding down the road,

wearing hammer pants, a flattop,

and a massive, puffy jacket

instead of his usual overalls.

("You Canʼt Win" instrumental)

"Yo Dorothy, A WIGGEDY WIGGEDY Whut izz up in he-yah?!" Said the Scarecrow, making all kinds of hand gestures.

"Whatʼs with the new threads?" She

asked.

"Oh, I bought these fly kicks cause I feel like itʼs time to give my old outfit a little—" he imitated a record

scratching. "Upgrade, GIRRRL!!" He

exclaimed, throwing his arms to the opposite side.

"Okay," said Dorothy.

The Scarecrow looked and noticed her invitation.

"WOAAAAAH!" He said in absolute shock. "YOU GOT A INVITATION TO

THE BARBECUE?! SO DID I!!"

"Awesome!" Said Dorothy.

"Well, see ya around!" Said the scarecrow. "I gotta DJ gig over there!"


	3. The 900tst Half-Annual Winter Barbeque

Oz was as lovely as ever since after Dorothy left. Being since it was winter, everyone, despite the bitter chill was outside, huddled up near the barbecue pits and personal bonfires.

"OKAYYYYY!!" Exclaimed a rabbit

announcer clad in a sweater into a mic. "ALRIGHT PARTY PEOPLE!! Will a mister Number Nine please step foreword!!"

The munchkin walked up, a short fella, wearing a nice overcoat. He

whooped and shook the rabbitʼs

hand.

"CONNNN-GRAAA-DUU-LATIONS, SIR!" Exclaimed the announcer. "You WON THE RAFFLE! You are now the proud owner of a turbo-powered jetski worth about 3 million clams! Not to mention an all-expenses paid vacation to G-G-G-G-GILLIKIN COUNTRYYYYYY!!!!"

That annoying airhorn sound played as two scantily-clad women in bikini g-strings approached and took pictures with him as everyone cheered. The bikini babes then put on some cloaks rather quickly.

"Bloody oath, is this whacker whacka drongo rage bodgy or what?!" Billina exclaimed.

"Can you not talk in Aussie fer ONE

SECOND, PLEASE?!" Said Dorothy. "...sorry."

"Okay, letʼs...try not to draw too much attention." Said Billina. "By the way, itʼs STRINE, not slang."

Dorothy and Billina continued to walk, until they reached the front steps of the Emerald City. Dorothy looked to the side, and noticed a small button nearest the door.

She pressed it, the door opened with a loud fanfare as an announcer boomed "ANNOUNCING DOROTHY OF KANSAS, SAVIOR AND HERO OF

OZ!!"

Dorothyʼs eyes widened as millions of people, animal, human, or other creature applauded her. She leaned over to Billina and whispered;

"...you were saying?"

Suddenly, a massive bubble appeared in front of Dorothy and popped, revealing Glinda once again—she wore a sexy, pink dress with a rather deep v neck cut, as well as fishnet tights, stocking garters in her high heels, and smiled.

As Glinda showed Dorothy how theyʼd remodeled the main palace recently, a munchkin girl wearing glasses, a massive scarf that

covered parts of her face, and a velvet dress showed up. She motioned for a goat boy in a tuxedo and a rabbit girl in a long, blue dress to come closer.

"This is Jo, Amy, and Billy!" Said Glinda.

"Hi!" Said Jo.

"Howʼs it goinʼ, man?" Asked Amy.

"Itʼs goinʼ...pretty weird, actually."

Said Dorothy. "Ah used to be this big hero anʼ all anʼ I never thought I'd come back here—but well.."

"wait, youʼre Dorothy Gale?" Said Amy. "THE Dorothy Gale?!"

"Well, I wouldnʼt say THE." Said Dorothy.

"Youʼre a LIVINʼ LEGEND!" Said Billy.

"'Specially where Iʼm from!" Jo bounced up and down a little.

"Really?" Said Dorothy.

"Thatʼs right!" Said Amy.

"My dad thinks youʼre really cool!" Replied Billy.

"Donʼt take this the wrong way," Said Glinda. "But I really really shouldʼve been your mommy...youʼre just so cute!" Glinda smiled.

"I have no mother." Said Billy. "My father cloned me in a faux womb with his own seme—"

"WOAH-KAY..." Glinda covered the young goatʼs mouth. "THATʼS

ENOUGH SUGAR FOR YOU..." she

gazed at everyone else and sent the young goat on his way.

"So, whatʼs this barbecue for again?" Asked Dorothy.

"Oh," Glinda smiled and magically fixed her hair.

(*"GLIN-DAAA!"*)

"This whole thing is for the arrival of our new leader—a lovely young

woman named Ozma!" Glinda smiled. "Speaking of which, where is she?!"

At that exact moment, the main door slammed open, and hundreds of animals—deer, foxes, bears, even giraffes ran inside the building. Once the dust cleared, a tall, slender, blonde woman waltzed

inside.

She wore nothing but a bikini of fresh flowers, leaves, and ferns, and no shoes. The womanʼs eyes were

rather red, and when she placed

out a finger, a little bird landed perfectly on top.

(cue sitar music)

"Namaste, new subjects..." said the strange woman.

She dropped a few miniature gift bags on everyoneʼs seating place.

"Hereʼs like, a few gifts to, like, improve your chakras and open your third eyes..."

Dorothy opened a batik fabric bag to find some scented candles, a yin-yang necklace, and a Buddhist prayer bell.

"Who are you?" Asked Glinda.

"Like, I'm Ozma..." Said the woman with the most sincerity on her face.

Everyone immediately stopped what they were doing and bowed in Ozmaʼs direction.

"My apologies, your majesty.." Said

Glinda. "But those clothes youʼre wearing...donʼt exactly make you look like royalty. What happened to the dresses I gave you?"

"Oh, like, those prissy things arenʼt, like, made with fair trade fabrics and made in Oz craftsmanship—I

only wear recycled materials and, like, anything practical and comfortable..." Ozma inhaled, then continued. "I will be your new queen, or whatever, also, like I do yoga on weekends...if any of you wanna come and like, experience nirvanaaaaaaa..." Ozma stood on one leg, and slowly moved to the ground until her right hand was touching as well.

She sat down, then her food was placed in front of her.

"Oh, I totally forgot.." Ozma pushed the plate away. "I'm like, a vegetarian. Youuu people might not

know this, but meat is, like, totally murderrrr..."

"MMMMM!!" Exclaimed the Scarecrow as he barged to the side of her, holding a rack of ribs and splattering

barbecue sauce on her blouse. "TASTY MURDER!"

Everyone laughed, even Ozma. She snapped her fingers, and the

barbecue sauce was gone, her

plate of meat and vegetables replaced with tofu and more vegetables.

"Wooooah..." everyone gasped.

"Like, its magiiiicccccc.." Ozma smiled.

"Say Glinda," asked Dorothy while she was eating her steak. "You seen thʼ lion lately?"

"ANNOUNCING THE LION, KING OF THE FOREST, AND HIS BETROTHED, THE TIGRESS!!" The

munchkin announcer boomed again.

"Spoke too soon.." Said Dorothy. "How coincidental can this get?"

The lion walked into the room, wearing a regal, green-velvet cape

over his huge musculature with a large, golden crown at the top.

At his side, was a rather thin female tiger wearing the same cape and a smaller, more elegant crown.

As soon as the two were seated, the Tigress leaned over to Glinda.

"Do you HAVE any FAT BAYBAAAYYS AROUND?!!" Exclaimed the tiger. "CAUSE I COULD REALLY USE A FAT, JUICAYY BAYBAYYY RIGHT NOW!!!"

"So sorry, miss Tigress," said Glinda, moving away from her sharp teeth as the tiger slammed the table. "Weʼre-weʼre fresh out of

babies..."

Suddenly, over in the distance,

something was very amiss. At the kidʼs table, Jo and Amy, along with

other children, fearfully moved away from Billy Dillamond. Glinda

and Dorothyʼs eyes widened when they saw that the child appeared to be floating in thin air, his eyes having become more magenta in color.

Then, he vomited all over the floor as his head twisted all around then went back to normal.


	4. Mombi, the party crasher

"Whatʼs wrong, Billy?" Asked Glinda.

"I...I see.." the kid got started.

"Yes?" Asked Glinda. "Come on, you can tell me!"

"I...see a woman, dressed in black and high heels. Sheʼs...b-blowing up the city, w-with fireballs, and blocking the sun, everything looks red—I-I think this is b-b-a-aad."

"Oh, come on!" Said Dorothy. "It

couldnʼt be that ba—"

"Someoneʼs gonna die when she comes." Said Billy Dillamond in the most deadpan manner possible.

He abruptly fainted.

"Ooohhh man, thatʼs not good." Said Dorothy.

"You two! Friends of Billy!" Glinda

pointed at Jo and Amy. "Go to the

Wise Donkey. He knows how to interpret dreams and other junk, HURRY!!"

"Is Elphaba back or somethinʼ?" Asked Dorothy.

"No," Said Glinda. The good witch frowned and sat on a chair next to Dorothy.

"But, my sisters and I never really got along.." sighed Glinda.

"Why was that?" Asked Dorothy.

"Oh, you wouldnʼt wanna hear.." sighed Glinda. "It was when we were in college, about 15 years ago or something."

(((((((

About 15 years ago or something...

Halftime at the Semi-Annual Football Season Kick-Off, 2nd Quarter

"READYYY OKAY!

SHIZ U, SHIZ U,

WEʼRE ALL FOR

YOU!

THERE IS

NOTHINʼ WE

CANʼT DO!

BRING DA HEAT,

BRING DA APPLAUSE, WEʼRE THE BEST

TEAM IN ALL OF

OZ!

GOOOOOOOO SHIIIIIZZZZZ!!!"

The pink-uniform clad cheerleaders flipped and did a perfect pyramid. The last one, a pigtailed 21-year-old Glinda flipped to the top and landed an excellent splits.

The crowd went absolutely nuts.

Suddenly, Glinda froze, for she could hear something.

"...Glinda, hey, Glinda, you got a minute?"

Glinda looked down to find her somewhat younger sister, Elphaba, at the bottom of the pyramid.

("Defying Gravity" instrumental)

"Lower me, ladies!" She told the cheerleaders.

"Ew, Glin." Said one of the cheerleaders. "Who ordered a fresh dork?"

"Itʼs like, that weirdo green chick."

"Like, totally ew." Said another. "I

donʼt see why youʼre like, related to her, Glin. Youʼre a hottie, and—gag me with a spoon, sheʼs like, a total geek."

"Brittany, Tiffany, Whitney, just lighten up, guys." Said Glinda.

The cheerleaders started to walk back to the benches.

"Okay, man...Weʼll, like, try." said one. "I still can't believe she's related to you..."

Glinda walked up to her younger sister and looked around to make

sure she was still popular.

"El, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!!" Exclaimed the blonde woman.

"I just wanted to ask you this one thing—two minutes of your time!" Replied Elphaba.

"You gotta remember—you canʼt be seen out here, and more importantly not with me." Glinda

quickly looked and dragged the green woman into a locker room. "Okay, now you can tell me."

"Glin, I wanna ask someone to the prom." Elphaba smiled.

"Y-you do?" Glinda responded. "Who is it? Jim? Randy? Lenny? That hot guy from the football team (I hear heʼs into magical people)? Fiyero?"

"Itʼs him..." Elphaba opened the door and pointed at someone in the audience.

Glindaʼs jaw dropped so hard it hit the ground.

"Dr. DILLAMOND?!" She exclaimed. "The GOAT?!!"

To say the Animal doctor was hot, is an obvious understatement, Dr. Dillamond, though his physique was quite thin, had impressive muscles and chiseled abs, concealed by his lab coat. His long hair and whispy beard blew in the fall winds, his serious case of bedroom eyes gleaming beyond his spectacles.

"...yep, thatʼs him alright.." Elphaba smiled. "Graduated college at three, described as having "genius beyond all comparison", thatʼs my kinda dude..."

"...oh my gaaasssh.." Glinda said to herself through clenched teeth. "Ireallywannasupportmysister...but then again, I wanna have his freaky mutant babies.."

)))))))

"Freaky mutant what?" Asked

Dorothy.

"Nothing!" Replied Glinda. "Anyway, after that, we had a long rivalry all

causeʼ I told Elphaba she couldnʼt fly cause of gravity, and one day she told me she wants to DEFY

GRAVITY!"

"Thatʼs impossible!" Said Dorothy.

"Blame it on my little sis.." Glinda sighed. "She was all thinkinʼ no one was ever gonna bring her down...when someone bought her down."

"...HAVE YOU SEEN OUR DAUGHTER YET?!" Exclaimed a rabbit woman as she walked up with her husband. "Itʼs been over TWO minutes and Iʼve had to order extra mojitos—weʼve been worried SICK!"

"Donʼt even worry about it Sheba, Marty." said Glinda.

"What about our daughter?" Asked a fair-complexed Munchkin man and his wife.

"Wendell, please..." Said the female munchkin.

"Martha, don't interrupt me.."

"...ONE SIDE, SHORT-STACK!" Exclaimed Dr. Dillamond as he pushed through the crowds and Wendell with messy hair, now older and with less of his muscular

physique (with sitting in a lab, he developed a bit of a tummy). "GLINDA I SWEAR TO BAUM IF YOU LET MY BOY GET MAIMED OUT THERE, IMʼ GONNA STRANGLE YOU SO BAD, YOUR MAGIC WON'T BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE!!!!!!!"

"Uh.." Glinda tried to stay calm as the goat placed a hoof around her slender neck.

Baum help those kids, wherever they were.

————

Off the side of Mount RIIIIIICOLAAAAA...

3,000 miles from the Emerald City

The sun was very much concealed by the snowy clouds that day, and the wind whipped rather violently.

Eagles cawed overhead and bats flew out of miniature cracks.

Off the right side of the enormous, extremely steep mountain, were the kids, hanging on with their hands,

paws, and the worldʼs largest sense of optimism.

Their only form of suspension? An extra-long piece of black licorice that they tied themselves closely

with. Billyʼs bubble hadnʼt popped at all, and while Amy was getting kinda tired of climbing, Jo wasnʼt the slightest bit weary—thanks to her rabbit reflexes and hopping skills.

"HOW MUCH LOOONGERR?!!"

Exclaimed Amy. "My stupid short arms canʼt handle all this climbing!"

"Weʼre almost there! Itʼll be just fine!" Said Jo, looking back at Amy. "Just think, with all this exercise, youʼll be the most muscular munchkin in Oz!"

"Yeah, but they feel like theyʼre gonna break now.." Amy frowned at her noodle arms.

"Itʼs okay! The painʼll make emʼ stronger!" Said Jo, bounding a few

more feet up the immense mountain. "Just donʼt look down!"

Amy shuddered at the thought.

Slowly, she bought her gaze downward to her thighs.

All around her were a few clouds, and millions of feet at the bottom, was the forest.

Amy quickly looked back up, her face turned rather green. She

groaned and her stomach gurgled

violently.

"Uhh.." she groaned once more.

"...you looked down, didnʼt you?" Said Jo.

BLAAAAARGH!!*

"...oh gross..." sighed Amy. "I puked on Billyʼs safety bubble!"

))(((

...one grueling climb later...

"Hngh..." Jo placed a hand on the mountain, and pulled herself up. "See! Toldʼja it wouldnʼt be long!"

"...Iʼll say..." Said Amy, her lips

slightly covered in her own puke.

"Stickinʼ my head in the cheese fountain and in the chocolate fountain was a terrible idea."

(* GLIN-DAAAA!!*)

The bubble containing Billy popped.

"I could never get tired of that noise.." Jo sighed. "Itʼs so heavenly."

The two kids grabbed the young goat and hauled him towards a large cave.

"Hee-hee..." said Billy.

"Hey, heʼs up!" Said Amy.

"BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAH!!" Billy broke into a riotous laughter. He laughed so hard that tears cane from his mouth, and he rolled around, occasionally laughing, occasionally bleating.

"What is it?" Asked Jo.

"...That cave thingy...looks like a butt."

"Donʼt take the name of Mount Ricola in vain!!" Exclaimed Amy. "This is the Crack! The sacred home of the Wise Donkey, man!"

"...what." Said Billy. He then busted a gut yet again. "AAAAHA HAHAHAAAAA!!!! OH LIKE THATʼS ANY BETTER!! AHAHA CRACK! WOOHOOHOOO!!! DONKEY!"

The other kids, greatly annoyed by his laughter, walked inside the cavern.

Within the cavern of the Wise Donkey, it was surprisingly roomy, not to mention filled with huge, almost ocean-sized pools of clear cavern water. Large, white crystals shone everywhere with light, making the darkened cave less ominous.

"M-mister donkey?" Asked Jo.

"No, no, Jo—say it like this.." Amy inhaled. "MISTER WISE DONKEY WE CAME TO SEE YOU CAUSE OUR FRIENDʼS ACTINʼ WEIIIIIRD!!!"

The cavern shook a little. Jo moved closer to Billy. Everyone watched as from the depths of the water, came

something.

It was a ungulate, or a donkey. This donkey was very elderly, as one could tell from gazing at his wrinkle-plagued face and blind, milky eyes.

He wore a green blanket over his body (presumably to act as clothes) that had been somewhat torn, and a gold necklace and triangular earrings on his long ears.

He was also rather wet, for the blanket, his white tail and mane, not

to mention his body, was completely soaked.

When the beast of burden emerged from the water, he shook wildly until he was dry. Then, he just stood there.

"...so...how ya doinʼ mister donkey?" Asked Amy.

The Wise Donkey said nothing. He

continued to stare. Jo looked at Amy, Billy looked at Amy, then Jo looked at Billy.

"...I think we got a weirdyyy..." Said Amy.

Then, the Wise Donkey raised a mighty hoof, then started pressing the ground. He continued to stamp

his hoof in a series of rhythms. Jo

looked at Amy once again, who suddenly perked up.

"OOH! I KNOW THIS!!" She exclaimed.

"What is it?" Asked Jo and Billy.

"Itʼs Morse Code!" Amy squealed.

"I...have taken...a vow...of silence

for...999 years...but I will speak soon." Amy interpreted the donkeyʼs Morse code. "Bring the...child..to me. I will smell him.." The donkey

finished pawing.

"Okay then, Billy, just let him smell you!" Said Amy, eager to get this out of the way.

The bearded ungulate, his face

sagging with wrinkles, walked towards the lad, who was extremely

nervous. Huge beads of sweat formed on Billyʼs shoulder as the aged donkey inhaled, and sniffed the goat boyʼs face.

Suddenly, the beast of burdenʼs blind eyes widened, and he raised his hooves and gave a loud

"EEHAW!!"

"What?" Asked Billy. "What did you see?"

The Wise Donkey opened his thick-lipped mouth, and calmly spoke.

"Child, your vision is an omen of grave significance. You have now only seen what has been, but what is yet to be." The Wise Donkey

placed a hoof on the boyʼs shoulder. "Go, my horned, cloven-hooved brother, and tell all others, that..." he paused.

"MOMBI, is almost here..."

————

"So, is she coming?" Asked

Dorothy.

"Nope." Said Glinda. "Not a bit. Believe me, because I got BACKUP!" She showed Dorothy to

the window, where millions of women were training and fighting, but that wasnʼt what she was staring at...

It was their very impressive MUSCLES.

Though scantily clad in animal skins, each of these one-hundred women were the size of a Buick, or a little smaller with their enormously strong physiques. They were of all

ethnicities, and most of them were

excelling in sword fighting and

boxing.

"I DONʼT KNOW BUT ITʼS BEEN

SAID!" Exclaimed a really muscular

woman in Roman garb.

"I DONʼT KNOW BUT ITʼS BEEN SAID!" Exclaimed everyone else.

"OLʼ MOMBIʼS AS GOOD AS DEAD!" The muscular woman continued.

"OLʼ MOMBIʼS AS GOOD AS DEAD!" The others repeated.

"Woah..." said Dorothy, as she stared at all the muscular women.

"...somebodyʼs been eatinʼ her veggies.."

"Thatʼs because these women are AmOzons—a jungle tribe my explorers found and befriended not

long ago, they deem musculature

as power, and theyʼve devoted their lives to protecting the kingdom!" Glinda squealed with glee. "Iʼve never had a full-on army like this before, and if Mombi were to come, sheʼd answer to olʼ General Ginger here—sheʼs the strongest of them

all!"

"GLINDA!" Exclaimed General Ginger. "MOMBI, SHEʼS—"

Suddenly, the skies turned black before the General could say anything.

"YEAH, THAT." Ginger replied, nonchalantly, despite her deep voice.

The doors practically burst open. Everyone stared outside as Amy and Jo rode in, carrying Billy. Then, millions of flying monkeys exploded in through the doors and windows, grabbing party attendants and chaining them up.

As the dust cleared, a tall, raven-haired woman strode into the castle. She wore a black, strap-less

swimsuit-like outfit, spiked bracelets, and thigh-high, pointed black boots. On the outfit, sharp cones poked out from her breast area, making her smaller tits look enormous.

"Well," Said Mombi, placing a black gloves hand on her chin. "I suppose my invitation was lost.."

"BOOOO!!" Exclaimed a strange looking pumpkin man.

Mombi raised an eyebrow and looked at Glinda and Ozma, raising her hands at the pumpkin man.

"...What is this?!" She said.

"Like, this is Jack Punkinʼhead.." said Ozma.

"...YOUR WORST NIGHTM—AGH!" Exclaimed Jack as Mombi flung him

into a wall with her magic.

"Eh..." Mombi sighed. "If he was tryinʼ to scare me or whatever, you

got it all wrong, girlfriend..."

Mombi conjured fifty or more monkeys and turned the broomstick into a large staff that possibly contained magic.

"Yeah, hi, as you may know, my name is Mombi, but you losers can call me your Dark Lord and Master!"

"Mombi..." Dorothy snarled. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM?!" She held up Billy, who was still feeling weird.

"Oh, I see he got my message..." Mombi laughed and with her mind, levitated Dorothy, cast the main guys aside, and froze Glinda in concrete.

"¡LOS DEJAS SOLOS!" Ojo held up a glass of water at Mombi. "...puto bruja."

"¡OJITO!!" Exclaimed an older, mustached munchkin wearing a smaller sombrero.

"Lo siento, papá." Ojo placed down the water.

"Bueno. ¡Ojito, dígalo de nuevo la próxima vez y es LA CHANCLA!!" Ojoʼs father raised up a large flip-flop with spines on the bottom.

"Anyway, hereʼs the deal.." said Mombi as she froze Ojo and his father. She paused, then levitated Dorothy. "My sisters had me under their thumb for too long. This city, and the rest of Oz now belongs to me, and thereʼs not a thing you, my stupid sister, or that dumb olʼ Pumkinhead can do to defeat me...if ya donʼt wanna be enslaved, I suggest you all GET OUT!!!"

Mombi levitated Billina, Dorothy and Jack and flung them out the window. Then, using her magic, she grabbed a tiny kitten, and started

to transform it. It grew larger, more

disgusting-looking as it transformed. Wings sprouted from its head, a lizard-like tail grew as well. Its eyes grew red, itʼs teeth became jagged, until it looked horrendous.

"ATTACK, my WOOZY!!" Exclaimed Mombi as the beast tore through the city.

The monster grabbed a piece of the main palace, tore it off, and bit into it like a piece of rock candy. Mombi slid down its arm, and into the palace.

Mombi conjured a black guitar. She stared out at the skies as the people were being made into slaves.

"What happened to the

life I knew,

Before it all went

south?

My stupid idiot

sister, thinks I

should simply

shut my

mouth!"

Mombi sung, strumming her guitar. She started to strum harder and flew into the air, playing even when her fingers started bleeding, her all-black leotard shimmering in the red sun.

(No!)

"Beggars canʼt

be choosers, sis,

Donʼt be such a

freakinʼ ham!

Bubbles ainʼt

gonna save you

now—cause

Mombiʼs on the

lam!

I donʼt care Iʼm not scared oʼ that

pumʼkin head,

Or from the

garden picked

Jell-i-a

JAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAMB!

!!!"

She shoved a monkey off the ledge, and jumped into a chair, spinning around.

(Oh...)

"The people of

Oz are enslaved,

Underneath my

grasp,

But with my

awesome

darkness,

It is unlikely theyʼll

last!"

"Oz-tevka!"

sang the people.

"Oz-tevka!"

"Pastoria, Sh-

moria,

I donʼt never ever ever wanna

see more-a ya!

All those Gillikins

can suck it!

Mombi is the ruler

now from Oz to

Nantucket!"

Mombi continued to bring her dark reign about Oz, destroying multiple buildings with purplish black balls of dark energy. Even Ginger's advances bought no justice to the current plight of Oz.

"If I were an Ozian.." Dr. Dillamond sang.

Mombi kicked a few monkeys off the flight of stairs, then jumped onto the roof of the tallest building in the Emerald City. With all the dark magick she conjured with her

song, she slowly bought a great eclipse over the city.

"(A-Bring Oz,

Bring Oz-to-me-

now!

A-Bring Oz, Bring

Oz-to-me-now!

Make them-

grovel-at-my-feet

now!

A-Bring Oz, Bring

Oz-to-me-now!

A-Bring Oz, Bring

Oz-to-me-now!

Make them-

grovel-at-my-feet

now!

A-Bring Oz, Bring Oz-to-me-now!

A-Bring Oz, Bring

Oz-to-me-now!

Make them-

grovel-at-my-feet

now!

A-Bring Oz, Bring

Oz-to-me-now!

A-Bring Oz, Bring

Oz-to-me-now!

Make them-

grovel-at-my-feet

now!)"

"THANK YOU! I wanna give a shoutout to the West Side of Oz!" She laughed, maliciously shredding as bats and flying monkeys flew all around.


	5. Tik Tok on da clock

After Dorothy and Billina had gotten kicked out, they walked some five miles until they ended up at some camp Ozma and a munchkin guard

had made, since they got kicked out as well.

"OZMA!" Exclaimed Dorothy,

rushing over to greet her new friend. "What happened?"

"Oh, like, MOMBI JUST CAME AND TOOK OVER MY CASTLE, like, ON MY FIRST DAY, even!!!" Ozma screeched.

Then, she started to calm down once a Munchkin guard handed her some baoding balls. "...ommmmmmm..." she started to

chant, then exhaled.

"You...alright?" Asked Dorothy.

"Like, I am now!" Said Ozma.

"Anyway, like, you guys are gonna have to go get this, like, thing for me...itʼs like, the Stone of MaʼGuʼFeen—the perfect plot device thatʼll, like, stop Mombi around here..."

"Where is it?" Asked Dorothy.

A couple of inhaling noises could be heard. Dorothy looked and saw Ozma LOUDLY snorting a pile of glitter.

"Hey Ozma..." Dorothy snapped her fingers in front of her.

"AH!" She plopped back on the table, face covered in the stuff. "THAT IS SOME GOOD SHI—"

"OZMA!" Dorothy yelled.

"OH-OH-Like, sorry!" Ozma immediately shot back up, with a very prominent nosebleed. "Anyway, like, you must go far beyond Oz, past the Deadly Desert—like, you canʼt touch anything

there—wherein the Stone of MaʼGuʼfeen resides, guarded by a savage tribe who will stop at nothinʼ to protect it...and like, by the way, my son has something heʼd like

to show you..."

"Uh..." Jack started. "Y-Yeah! I

remember now! Follow me!"

Jack led Dorothy through a part of the dense forest/jungle, until they arrived at something that looked insanely weird. It was a short, spherical man made of metal, with long arms and a huge, metallic mustache and extremely tall top hat. This guy hadnʼt moved in an extremely long time, as indicated by the spiderwebs on his body.

"Okayyy..." said Dorothy.

"Watch this!" said Jack. "Apparently, he needs this to power himself up!"

Jack held a wind-up key before them.

Jack rapidly twisted the key

until the man had started up. The little man blinked, and looked at Dorothy.

"Hell...o. I am Tik Tok."

"My name is Dorothy! This is Billina, and Jack Pumʼkinhead...We need you to join us on our quest to save Oz, please!" said Dorothy.

"Certain-ly." said Tik Tok. "But why on earth would you bring a simple-

minded fowl with you?"

Billinaʼs eyes twitched at the strange metal man.

(Digeridoo music)

"Listen, ya gallah.." Billina placed a claw on Tik Tok. "I didnʼt come from beinʼ a Bushie to cominʼ to this airy

fairy land witʼ me olʼ Jillaroo mate ter' be a dole bludger, anʼ if ya think that then yer a mug knocker, metal man!"

"...alright.." Said Dorothy.

"And if you got nothinʼ to lose, how could yʼall give up that offer?" Asked Dorothy.

"Good point.." Said Jack.

"Well, gentle-men," Said Tik Tok.

"...And la-dies...I sug-gest we be-

gin our ex-pe-di-tion post-haaaaa..." The little robotic man

started to power down, Dorothy

quickly wound him back up.

"...haste, yes." Tik Tok finished.

"Alright, Jack, Billina, Tik Tok, LETʼS QUEST!!" Exclaimed Dorothy, Ozma magically placing the ruby slippers on her.

Dorothy, Tik Tok, and Billina lifted up Jack Pumʼkinhead, and broadly carried him out of town, into the forest.

Ozma, along with a few remaining Ozians waved goodbye to them as they left.

"O-Okay! Bye mommy! Bye everyone else! Buh-bye!" He called.

A pause occurred, before Jack stuck his head out from behind a few trees again.

"...oh..uh...DONʼT FORGET TO TIP YOUR WAITRESS!!" Jack replied.


	6. Enraged Maximillian

As our heroes trekked along, they found that the ground was becoming more barren-like, until they got close to the border between the forest, and the Deadly

Desert. Tik Tok reminded them

that no one could touch the desert,

unless they were from there, but

they had to get across somehow!

"Whatʼs that thing?!" said Jack.

A little creature approached them that looked very much like a horse, the only thing is it had no ears, mane and tail, and it looked like it was made of wood. The cute creature gave a whinny, and nuzzled Dorothy.

"It ap-pears to be a Saw-horse." said Tik Tok.

"But thereʼs only room on him for one." said Jack. "Howʼre the rest of us gonna get across?"

"How bout that?" asked Dorothy, pointing at an abandoned Radio Flyer wagon and some rope.

"Perfect!" said Jack.

Dorothy tied the Saw-Horse to the wagon, and he bought them across the desert at an alarming speed.

Despite how good they were doing at survival, Dorothy had to wonder why the heck her day ended up this way—being pulled by a living piece of wood with a pumpkin man, a chicken, and a metal man.

"Well," said Dorothy. "This day could NOT get any weirder.."

(Intense metal rock instrumental)

Dorothy and her friends looked around and heard tires screeching

behind him. Jack turned around, then said;

"...wanna bet?"

Dorothy pulled the saw-horseʼs reins—they were being followed and they had to get out of the way quickly.

"Look!" Said Tik Tok, who had made his hand into a telescope, and handed it to Dorothy.

Dorothy gazed at the telescope and saw three or five figures in the horizon. She cracked the reins

again and the sawhorse neighed, then went even faster across the

desert, through a field of cacti, over a mountain, and through the

ribcage of a larger, deceased animal, until the saw-horse was just moments away from falling off a great cliff!

"WOAH, WOAH!"

Said Dorothy as she bought the tiny little wooden horse to a screeching halt, not an inch before falling off.

Suddenly, the figures corralled them, dust forming everywhere, and they pointed millions of sharp spears and swords at the gang. One pointed at Jackʼs lower half—the pumpkin man gasped.

"WOAH!" Jack yelled and pushed the extremely sharp blade back a little. "Watch where youʼre pointinʼ that, mohel!"

Then, Jack, Tik Tok, Dorothy, and Billina looked up to notice just whom they were dealing with...

The creature before them was absolutely horrifying. It looked

much like a green, deformed, tail-less lizard with what appeared to be

ENORMOUS bicycle handlebars

sticking out of its head. It did not have hands or feet, just huge, monster-truck wheels attached to its skinny limbs and an engine protruding from within its butt. Additionally, it wore no regular clothing, but a loincloth, and it had huge, sharp teeth and yellow eyes.

"WHY YOU COME?!" The 3-story high creature boomed.

"W-well..." Dorothy started.

"WE CAME TER GIT THʼ SHINY ROCK, YEH BOGAN AVO-COLOURED HOON!" Exclaimed Billina, ruffling her feathers and ready to fight.

"Billina, I th-think thatʼs enough..." Dorothy pulled her away.

The creature snarled at Billina by

revving his butt-engine. He turned

to his compatriots

and said;

"GET EMʼ TO

FUREE!!"

———-

"I wish mom was here..." said Jack Pumkinhead.

"Jack," said Dorothy, "...now is really not the time."

Dorothy, Tik Tok, Billina, and Jack

had been bought to an enormous tent, decorated in painted tire tracks.

"Floor mat, air

freshener, radiator

parts...

Ignition, hands at

ten and two,

Fenders, wings

and mudguards"

The tire-people chanted over and over again.

Suddenly, an ignition started, and from within the tent came something. The lead creature stood

nearest the tent, then spoke;

"Behold, Queen Fureey-Osah of the Wheelers!" The wheeler boomed.

The other wheelers cheered as Fureey, a pale wheeler with black paint smothering her eyes. She wore a gray bikini top and loin cloth, with the largest wheels and butt-engine of all—unlike the male wheelers, she did not have the large

handlebar-like horns protruding

from her head.

"YOU PEOPLE TRESPASS ON ME LAND!!" she boomed, rather gruffly for her feminine appearance. "For

you crimes, WE KILL YOU!!"

The Wheelers cheered and revved their engines. Dorothy, Tik Tok, Billina, and Jack gazed at each other, completely shivering in fear.

"Whatʼre we gonna do now?" Jack asked.

"I have an I-dea.." Tik Tok said.

While the wheelers continued to cheer, Tik Tok whistled. They turned to face the cage, and snarled.

"Ex-cuse me, every-one." He said. "I am a-ware that you are a race-ing spe-cies."

"WHAT THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!" Fureey boomed.

"I just want-ed to speak, as a fel-low met-al pers-on." Tik Tok cleared his throat. "My friends and I chall-enge you to a race.."

"GO ON.." Fureey moves closer, her gigantic eyeball completely dwarfing Tik Tok.

"If you win, you kill us and you get my friendʼs sho-es." Tik-Tok said. "If we win, we go free and get the stone you are contain-ing."

"Hmmm...FUREEY LIKE THIS VERY MUCH! THIS REAL GOOD!!"

The wheelers cheered excitedly once again.

Dorothy looked at Tik Tok.

"Ah dunno what you got us into, metal butt...but Ah gotta bad feelinʼ boutʼ this.."

———

The sun beat down hard in the desert as they all lined up. Dorothy and the gang were to the left, being pulled by the Saw-Horse, the entire clan of Wheelers was to the right, revving their engines and yelling in each othersʼ faces.

Fureey-Osah strode in front of the competitors and yelled the loudest of all...thankfully that got everyone else to be quiet.

"OKAY!" She said, raising an enormous Wheeler skull-and-crossbones flag.

Dorothy looked at Jack, who smiled. She looked at Billina, who gave a thumbs-up.

The Wheelers snarled and licked their lips, huge strands of saliva emanating from their gross mouths, greedily.

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Fureey-Osah let out a breath of fire, which burnt the flag.

The saw-horse took off at an alarming speed, the Wheelers

following close behind. Billina nearly fell off the wagon, but Tik Tok extended a mechanical arm and grabbed the bird, pulling her close.

"Oh, weʼve gotta be pretty dang far by now.." said Jack Pumkinhead, putting his arms and legs in a relaxed pose.

"Not like-ly.." Tik Tok pointed in the distance.

(Rock instrumental)

"Whoa, Black

Betty (Bam-ba-

Lam)

Whoa, Black Betty

(Bam-ba-Lam)

Black Betty had a

child (Bam-ba-

Lam)

The damn thing

gone wild (Bam-

ba-Lam)"

Jackʼs eyes became enormous when he saw that the Wheelers were two inches in front of him!

"SHOOT!" Jack said. "Dorothy, thereʼs gotta be a way we can beat

these freaks!"

"Might I sug-gest that?" asked Tik

Tok, pointing at a huge, unstable-

looking ramp.

"Eh," said Dorothy. "Itʼs a little rough, Buʼ Ahʼm sure we kin dew it!" As Dorothy approached the ramp, things went into slow-motion as she cracked the reins and made the saw-horse run faster.

"She said, "I'm

worryin' outta

mind" (Bam-ba-

Lam)

The damn thing

gone blind (Bam-

ba-Lam)"

The ground under the feet of the Saw-horse disappeared very quickly. Dorothy had never felt so alive, unlike Jack, who wasnʼt taking the heights so very well.

"WEʼRE GONNA DIIIIEEEEEE!!" Jack yelled in slow motion as they flew through the air.

One of the Wheelers was not so lucky, as he didnʼt know there was a cliff. With a *THUD!* the sawhorse and radio flyer wagon landed on the ground.

"TAKE ME HOME COUNTRY ROADS!" Jack exclaimed.

"Jack!" Dorothy said.

"You can o-pen your eyes." said Tik Tok, removing Jackʼs hands from his face.

"Oh." said Jack.

"I said "Oh,

Black

Betty" (Bam-ba-

Lam)

Whoa, Black Betty

(Bam-ba-Lam)"

"Wait, whereʼs Billina?" Dorothy asked before she turned around.

Billina had been captured by the Wheelers of course, when the gang did that awesome big air trick.

"Tik-Tok," said Dorothy. "Take thʼ reins. Ahʼm gonʼ save mah new friend..."

"With pleas-ure." said Tik Tok. With his arms, he lifted the saw-horse onto Jackʼs lap, and transformed his body to resemble a horse, complete with antimatter hooves that could touch the desert.

Meanwhile, Dorothy clambered up onto the chain the wheelers had hooked up. She looked to find Billina seated on an enormous china plate, three Wheelers sprinkling salt on her head. Dorothy pressed down a little on the chain, unhooking it from the wagon and sending her swinging across the air.

"Oh, Black

Betty (Bam-ba-

Lam)

Whoa, Black Betty

(Bam-ba-Lam)

She really gets me

high (Bam-ba-

Lam)

You know that's

no lie (Bam-ba-

Lam)

She's so rock

steady (Bam-ba-

Lam)

And she's always

ready (Bam-ba-

Lam)"

"AH GOT YEEEEEW!!" She exclaimed before she wrapped around and grabbed Billina.

"Thanks a million.." said Billina. She

gave a terrified cluck. "LOOK OUT!"

A Wheeler lunges at Dorothy, but she jumped off the wagon and kicked it in the groin (thereʼs lots of stuff you can do in just heels), flipped into the air, and perfectly landed on the wagon.

"Whoa, Black

Betty (Bam-ba-Lam

Whoa, Black Betty

(Bam-ba-Lam)

Whoa, Black Betty

(Bam-ba-Lam)

Whoa, Black Betty

(Bam-ba-Lam)

She's from

Birmingham

(Bam-ba-Lam)

Way down in

Alabam' (Bam-ba-

Lam)

Well, she's shakin'

that thing (Bam-

ba-Lam)

Boy, she makes

me sing (Bam-ba-Lam)"

"That was quick!" Jack said.

"Thanks", said Dorothy as she jumped onto the saw-horse.

Tik Tok grabbed the saw horse and placed him at the front again.

"Thereʼs the finish line!" said Dorothy.

"Let's give it all we got little buddy..." She told the saw-horse.

"Whoa, Black

Betty (Bam-ba-

Lam)

Whoa, Black Betty

Bam-ba-lam"

The Wheelers, along with Dorothy and the gang, stopped. Once the massive cloud of dust they formed stopped, Fureey-Osah and the other off, leaving the gang in front of the cavernʼs entrance.

The gang stared up at the mere size of the entrance, then stepped inside.

"MAN, THIS JOINTʼS HUUUUGE!" said Jack.

"And so colourful!" Billina sighed as they walked further inside and saw massive diamonds.

Tik Tok formed one of his arms into a pickaxe and mined a silver diamond, examining it closely.

"Per-fect-ly Shin-y." Tik Tok said.


	7. The Stone of MaʼGuʼfeen

"Look, everybody!" said Dorothy. "There it is..."

Atop an enormous pile of gold and gemstones from thousands of earlier civilizations, lay the stone. The stone was green-colored, accented by a heavenly beam of light from the top of the cave.

"Letʼs get it!" said Jack. "I have a brilliant plan!"

Jackʼs plan was to stack everyone on top of one another in order to reach the top of the gold easier. This would have worked, if not for the fact that the stacking ratio from

bottom to top was Billina-Jack-Tik

Tok-Dorothy.

"OOOH CRIKEY!" Billina exclaimed as she tried to lift Jack. "You are

HEAVIER than you look!"

"Hey!" said Jack. "Iʼve been trying to quit bread before dinner!"

Dorothy reached upward, and climbed the rest of the gold until she was at the summit, with the stone. She extended a hand, and grabbed the stone, bringing it down.

"I GOT IT YOU GUYS!!" she called.

Everyone cheered as they pulled her down to the ground.

"I gotta say, though..." said Jack. "I wonder how everyone else is doinʼ?"

———

Meanwhile, back in the Emerald

City, to say that things werenʼt going well was an understatement.

The flying monkeys were one by one taking people who were "resistant" and taking them to a secret room...

Other than that, Mombi had found something wrong with her world of total enslavement.

"SO, LITTLE RABBIT!!" Exclaimed Mombi as she circled around Jo. "YOU HAVE CONFESSED TO THE CRIME OF NOT WORKING AND BENDING OVER IN PAIN?!!"

"Y-Yes, but..." Jo stuttered, gazing back at her mom and her dad.

"BUT WHAT?!" Mombi boomed.

Jo gazed around at all the flying

monkeys, being since they were all male, she had a particularly feminine problem.

"Itʼs...really embarrassing with all these dudes..." Jo frowned.

"JUST! SAY IT!" Yelled Mombi.

"I...I STARTED MY MONTHLY, OKAY?!" Exclaimed Jo.

"Oh. AAAAGHHH..." Mombi groaned. "BOOOOB!!" She snapped her fingers.

A huge, obese creature that looked like a tiger and bear walked through the door. It looked absolutely serious, for it was known to many as a Kalidah. He opened his great

mouth, and said;

"Yeth?!" in a sweet, lispy voice.

"This kid is leaking from her...uh...special place...you watch her for the rest of the day and tomorrow, BACK TO WORK!" Mombi exclaimed.

After Mombi left, Bob bent down and picked up little Jo, snuggling her in his warm fur.

"Oh, honey!" He said, cradling his huge face with his other paw. "Itʼll be alright—itʼth all part of growing up, here, Iʼll take you to my plath, Iʼve got thome cotton padth and chocolath, we can watch cartoonth and thnuggle together!"

Jo smiled, but she was scared. This would perhaps be the longest day of her life.

"NEW LAW—" Said Mombi. "AND IT STARTS TODAY...DONʼT NOBODY BRING ME NO BAD NEWS!!"

Suddenly, the door to the secret room burst open as the Lion appeared along with the Tigress, the Tin Man, and the Scarecrow.

"Hey there Mombi!" He said, extremely chipper. His eyes were pure green.

The Scarecrow, The Tin Man, and the Tigress all had the green eyes as well.

"I will obey your EEEVERY COMMAND!"

———

"Meh, theyʼre probably doing alright.." Said Jack.

"YES!" Dorothy proudly exclaimed once she bought the stone down.

"WE GOT THE POWER NOW, BABY!!"

"I've got the

power!

I've got the

power!"

The ground started to rumble. Suddenly, large stalactites started to fall to the ground, making even larger rocks fall to the ground as well.

"QUICK!" Dorothy exclaimed. "WE

HAVE TO GET OUT NOW!!"

Tik Tok managed to lift up a massive rock that was about to fall on Jack. Billina flew into Dorothyʼs arm, and closed her eyes tightly.

Dorothy still held as tight as she possibly could to the Stone.

"Like the crack

of the whip, I

Snap attack Front to back, in

this thing called

rap

Dinging like a

cymbal, rhyme

devil on the

heavenly level

Bang the bass,

turn up the treble

Radical mind, day

and night all the

time

7:14, wise divine

Maniac brainiac,

winning the game

I'm the lyrical

Jesse James!"

"Alright!" said Dorothy, noticing that the main door was about to close.

"When I count to three, we JUMP!"

"ONE..."

"TWO..."

"...THREE!"

"It's getting,

it's getting, it's

getting kinda

hectic.."

Thankfully, before the main door closed, they had all made it out.

"Dorothy," said Jack. "You still have the—"

Dorothy immediately held up the stone.

"Yep!" She responded.

"Letʼs see it!" Jack peered over Tik Tok. Dorothy pulled back her fingers to show the Stone of Maʼguʼfeen in all its green splendor.

"Wow..." Dorothy looked closer. "Say, Tik Tok, what do those markings mean?"

Tik Tok pulled out a jewelerʼs magnifying glass and looked closer. He stopped, and stood back up.

"The Stone was carved by an in-tell-ec-tual, an-cient ci-vi-li-za-tion called the Think-as!"

Everyone laughed, especially Jack.

"Oh thatʼs a good one..." Jack laughed.


	8. Glindaʼs warning

"Who is that com-ing o-ver the ho-rizon?" asked Tik Tok.

"I dunno..." said Dorothy, trying to

gaze closer. "But it looks a whole lot

like...Glinda?"

Sure enough, it was Glinda, but she wasnʼt wearing her usual outfit—

instead, she wore a gold-plated bikini with a "skirt" of red fabric slit up her thin legs. She also wore a chain around her neck, and her hair was braided back.

"Glinda!" exclaimed Dorothy, hugging her.

"What happened?" asked Jack. "I thought you got frozen!"

"Well, I did..." said Glinda, as she

removed the enormous chain from her body.

"And the next thing I know, Iʼm beinʼ thrown into this...skimpy little number, and Mombiʼs in control of everything!"

"Oh no!" said Dorothy. "Can you use your magic?"

"Yeah...no. Unfortunately, Mombi locked up my bubble wand, so..." Glinda shrugged. "Iʼm gonna have to walk back on foot. I'm not much of a walking person, as you can see..."

Glinda looked down at her tiny feet.

"Oh, and remember how Billy told you someone would die when she comes?" asked Glinda.

"Yeah?" replied Dorothy.

"General...Ginger..." Glinda started to tear up.

"Sheʼs...dead."

Dorothy hugged Glinda, and so did Jack, Billina, the Saw-horse, and Tik Tok. After Glinda felt the embraces of her friends, she stood up once again.

"Donʼt yʼall worry one bit, Glinda..." said Dorothy.

"Weʼre gonna go back there anʼ ainʼt nothinʼ in this whole world kinʼ stop us..."

"I doubt it." said Glinda, drying some tears. "The only thing that can stop Mombi is the—"

Dorothy pulled out the satchel, and Glindaʼs eyes went wide. She gasped at the glowing green contents, and then started to laugh.

"Dorothy, youʼve done it now!" She squealed. "Iʼve gotta go...Mombiʼs guards are probably off to find me...Save the world, girlfriend!"

"BUFF-ALO

SOL-JAH! FIGHTINʼ ON

ARRIV-AL!

BUFF-ALO SOL-

JAH!

FIGHTINʼ FOR

SUH-VIVAL!"

Glinda sang as she jumped away, slipping and clicking the heels of her bare feet.

"That...was...super weird." said Dorothy.

"My cal-cu-la-tions in-di-cate it will on-ly get weird-er." said Tik Tok.


	9. The Battle of Oz

The palace of Oz was in absolute ruins. Flying monkeys guarded the entrance, along with flying apes.

The towers were jagged pieces of rock—the Woozy chomped on them repeatedly like candy, and continued to blow up the city with his laser-eyes.

"Well..." said Dorothy. "This placeʼs rent has clearly gone down since we left..."

"Look!" said Billina, pointing in a direction where two flying gorilla guards were guarding the entrance. "Howʼre we gonna get past those blokes?"

"Leave that to me..." said Jack.

————————

—

"GENTLEMEN!" said Jack.

The guards turned and looked in surprise at the pumpkin man.

"WATCH WHAT I CAN DO!"

("Rockit" plays)

Jack started break-dancing as the music played. The ape guards raised their eyebrows, and shrugged.

While Jack continued to break-dance, Dorothy, Tik Tok, Billina, and the saw-horse went into the palace, unnoticed. Jack finished, the

guards gave thunderous applause.

They cheered so much that they didnʼt notice that Jack left them.

Once Jack arrived in one piece, the gang trekked onward.

"That was a weird distraction." said Dorothy.

"Hey, its all I had." Jack replied.

After a little while, the atmosphere started to get rather...scary. Tik Tok stopped all of a sudden.

"I sense...dan-ger." He said.

A puddle of water started to ripple suddenly. Dorothy and the gang peered around, tension rising like a

biscuit. Jack screeched as he saw a shadow zoom past the gang.

"AGH! MOTHER OF BAUM!" He yelled.

"Donʼt worry..." said Dorothy. "Just, no one move one muscle..."

Everyone stayed silent, averting

their gaze from the massive beast.

Billina, however, could not handle

the pressure of the situation, and she abruptly laid an egg.

"Uh...sorry."

"BILLINA!" Dorothy exclaimed.

The beast roared and showed itself.

"AGH! KALIDAH!" Jack screeched like a girl.

Dorothy leapt into the air and delivered a sucker punch to the

Kalidah. The massive beast, despite it weighing considerably more than Dorothy, fell to the ground, eyes

closed, next to a pile of its own spit.

"Owwie..." the Kalidah said.

"Ooh!" said Jack. "Yeah, do that again!"

Dorothy raised a fist, ready to punch him. The Kalidah, to her surprise, cowered back in fear.

"PLEATH DOROTHY GALE DONʼT KILL ME!!"

"I wonʼt kill you..." Dorothy paused. "But just WHO THE HELL DO YA THINK YOU ARE TRYINʼ T KILL MAH FRIENDS, LARD BUTT??!"

Bob stopped growling, and sucked the saliva back into his mouth. He looked rather saddened now, and sat down on a smashed pillar that used to hold up a part of the palace.

"I...I donʼt know..." Bob frowned. "I mean, really, I know Iʼm Bob and all, and Iʼm one of Mombiʼth minionth, but I never really thought of mythelf ath being more than juth that..."

"Oh..." said Dorothy, walking closer to the obese Kalidah. "I didnʼt know you were on our side."

"Well, I donʼt conthider mythelf on any thide, really." said Bob. "Iʼm jutht the latht of the Kalidahth, tryinʼ to make endth meet."

"Bob.." said Dorothy. "You are your own person—you can decide which side you join, youʼre not just an average dude—heck, you can be WAY MORE!"

"Really?" said Bob. "Ever thince I went with Mombi, thee told me that Iʼm juth a thtupid minion!"

"Fight with us." said Tik Tok. "No ma-tter what she says a-bout you or what you like, come out swing-ing."

"Come out..." said Bob.

"Yes. Come out like youʼve ne-ver

came out be-fore."

"Iʼve alwayth wanted to do that!"

Bob exclaimed, shaking the hand

of Tik Tok, making him thud against

the floor.

"Lithen..."

Bob looked around and looked back at Dorothy and the gang.

"The guardth will be coming thortly. You thave your friendth, Iʼll gather up an army. Theyʼre over there, by the way..." Bob pointed down a

long hall.

"Thanks, Bob!" said Dorothy.

"Yeʼre a defo ripper bloke you are!"

said Billina.

Bob watched as the gang gave each other smiles and ran down the next hallway.

"Go, you crathy kidth..." Bob smiled. "Thave th world!!!"

In front of the hall, stood the lion!

Dorothy ran over and hugged him, though he looked slightly...different than usual.

"Lion!" She said. "Ah knew youʼd come through fer us!"

The lion did not say anything. He wore a gold bikini strap with a burgundy fabric strip-covered bottom area, showing off his muscular legs.

"HEY THERE FRIENDS!" Exclaimed the lion. He gazed closer to look at their faces and then started tsk-tsking them. "Ohhhh no! MOMBI

WOULDNʼT WANT ANY RESISTORS OUT HERE!" The lion growled as

green energy emanated from his eyes.

"RUN!" Exclaimed Jack.

"No, silly!" Said Dorothy, approaching the lion. "Heʼs one of

mah frie—"

(*HRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWRGMH!!!!!!*) The lion roared so loud it sent Dorothyʼs hair back.

Dorothy blinked her eyes.

"Yeah, heʼs right, RUUN FOR IIIT!!" Dorothy yelled and grabbed Billina and Toto.

Pretty soon, the lion had them cornered. Tik Tok shot a grappling

hook from his head onto the next balcony.

"Grab on." He said.

Dorothy and Jack, holding Billina and Toto respectively, grabbed the little robot man, and off they went! But the lion was still very strong, and he dug his claws into the wall like pickaxes. Slowly, he clambered up, panting.

"What do we do?!" Exclaimed Jack.

"I have an I-dea.." Said Tik Tok. He extended a metal arm and as soon as the lion reached the top, he instantly pushed him off.

(*THUD!*)

The lion landed on the floor, making a few cracks.

"...uhhh..." he groaned. "H-hey Dorothy! How ya doin?" Said the lion in his normal voice.

"...great!" Said Dorothy, relived that he wasnʼt hostile anymore.

Suddenly, she gazed down and noticed a small green hoop earring on the ground.

"Weird..." Said Dorothy.

"Anyway, take care, weʼre gonna stop this evil lady!" Said Jack.

"Okay, but come back!" He looked down at the clothes he was wearing. "...Whyʼm I in a bikini?"

———

"I donʼt get it!" Said Jack. "What was wrong with them?"

"I dunno.." said Dorothy. "But Iʼm gonna stop this..."

Dorothy, Jack, Billina, Toto, And

Tik Tok rounded a hall, then stopped.

Everyone gasped.

Music started as they noticed that

down the hall, the Scarecrow was

right in front of them, wearing a red suit with a black trim. He placed a white, sparkly glove on one of his hands, the sticks poking out of it.

"You can't win,

you can't break

even

And you can't get

out of the game

People keep

saying things are

going to change

But they look just

like they're staying the same

You can't win, get

over your head

And you only have

yourself to

blame"

The Scarecrow moonwalked down the hall, and twirled Jack around, briefly leaving him hanging over the side of the steps, where pitch-black darkness was.

"I got you Jack!" Said Dorothy as she grabbed the pumpkin man. "...What the heck is up with the Scarecrow?!"

"You can't win,

chile (You can't

win chile)

You canʼt break

even

And you can't get

out of the

game"

Suddenly, Dorothy noticed a hoop

earring on the side of the Scarecrowʼs head. It looked rather green, and the Scarecrowʼs eyes looked green as well. Then, Dorothy knew what was up.

"You guys!" She said. "Heʼs beinʼ brainwashed by that earring!"

"OH NO!" Said Tik Tok. "We must get that ear-ring off

him!"

"You can't win,

the world keeps

moving

And you're

standing far

behind

People keep

saying, things will

get better

(Just to ease your

state of mind)

(So you lean

back)(And you

smoke that

smoke)

(And you drink

your glass of

wine)"

"I got a ripper idea!" Said Billina as she grabbed Tik Tok. "Cʼmere ye metal bloke!"

The chicken rolled the metal man at the Scarecrow, and he fell to the ground, when he stood up, he noticed his head was on the ground.

"GRAB HIS HEAD!" Exclaimed Dorothy as Jack ran and grabbed the Scarecrowʼs head. Dorothy held down his body while Jack removed the earring.

"Sayin' you

can't win, chile

You can't break

even

And you can't get

out of the

game"

When the earring was off, the Scarecrow was completely back to

normal.

"Wow!" He said. "Say Dorothy, what the heck just happened?"

"No time to explain!" Said Dorothy.

The gang ran down another hall, wherein they saw the Tin Man.

"Tinny?" Dorothy asked. "Are you brainwashed?"

The Tin Man turned around, his hands were gone and replaced with chainsaws. Jack gasped, but Dorothy knew what she had to do.

"Get the earring, guys!" She called. "Tinny, this ainʼt you. Youʼre gonna go back to normal, now!"

"IF YOU ONLY HAD THE GUTS..." The Tin Man spoke in a more robotictone of voice.

He lunged at Dorothy, who immediately got out of the way. Tik Tok managed to get his attention, and produced two boxing gloves from the compartment within his metal body.

"Alright!" Billina exclaimed. "Metal Bloke vs. Other Metal Bloke, letʼs GOOOO!!"

The Tin Man threw the first punches, but Tik Tok fought back with even more machine power. He extended his arms, and wrapped them around the Tin Man, then extended a third arm from his body, which grabbed the earring from the top of his head.

"W-what

happened?" The

Tin Man asked in

his usual tone.

"YOU WAS

BRAINWASHED!"

Billina squawked.

"But youʼre alright,

now." Dorothy

smiled and hugged

the Tin Man. "Go

find this big fat

Kalidah guy, Tinny,

heʼll explain

everything!"

The Tin Man was

still pretty

confused, but off

he went anyway.

———

Mombi burst

through the doors, flying monkeys

scattering

everywhere.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE MY OTHER SLAVES?!!" She yelled. "AND WHERE THE HELL IS GLINDA?!!"

"...DOES THIS ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?!!" Glinda hollered from the distance.

Mombiʼs eyes, along with the eyes

of all the millions and millions of flying monkeys went wide as they

saw Glinda standing at the top of a massive hill of poppies (the non

sleep-inducing variety). She removed and threw down her massive chain, and one by one, multiple people of all species—AmOzon, Munchkin, rabbit from Bunnyburrow, animal from the forest, not to mention Dorothy Gale or her old friends along with the new friends sheʼd made.

"HOT DIDDLY DAMN!" Mombi exclaimed. "ITʼS A F-F-F-F-F-

FUU..UUNKʼIN REVOLUTION!"

To make it all worse for Mombi, Bob showed up, riding on a horse, wearing nothing but a thong, a feather boa around his fat neck, and a female Viking helmet. He had what looked like a pound of makeup on his fat face, and he was giving a huge smirk at Mombi.

"YOU THAY YOU WANT A REVOLUTION?!" He exclaimed.

"ROBERT G. KALIDOSKI, YOU TRAITOR!" Mombi exclaimed. "I cannot believe you would stoop to this low and LEAVE my army!"

"Exthplain to me, your great "majethty", how I, a fabuloth, beautiful friend of Dorothy, am a traitor..." Bob said, making quotation marks on "majesty".

"Wait..." said Mombi, pausing. "Are you like, a g—"

"Honey, I thought it wath THO obviouth..." Bob removed his sunglasses.

"YOUʼRE A GAY F*GGOT!!" Mombi

yelled as the AmOzons advanced.

"Well, I don't like to blow my own horn...I'm not jutth a gay f*ggot! I, am a FABULOUTH WAR PONY, BABY!!" Bob reared his horse, raised his sword to the air, and yelled at the top of his lungs; "CHAAARGE!!"

The entire army of AmOzons, as well as Dorothy and the gang, charged forward.

"CHAAARGE, BRAINWASHED ARM—EEEEEGH!!"

Bob leapt off his horse into the air,

singing a perfect E-flat in falsetto

and posing like a ballerina, before

landing his massive butt right on top of Mombi.

"MONKEYS!!" Exclaimed Mombi. "HEEEEELPH! SOME GENDER-CONFUSED BIG CATʼS TRYINʼ TA KILL MEH!"

Meanwhile, Glinda noticed that Dillamond was in trouble. She backflipped into the building, sticking the landing, and grabbed her wand. After this, she threw a couple of punches at the guards who wanted to brainwash him.

"Glinda!" Said Dr. Dillamond. "What are you doing?!"

"Savinʼ your butt, stupid, whatʼs it look like?!" Glinda quickly replied before grabbing Dillamond and flipping out of the way before a tower fell and crunched to pieces.

"I have to tell you something, if we die." He paused.

"What?" Asked Glinda. "THIS ISNʼT

REALLY A GOOD TIME!!"

"Billy—told me you wished you were his mother.." Dillamond placed a

hoof on Glindaʼs shoulder.

"Yeah..." Glinda started to calm

down.

"Well..." Dillamond swallowed. "You technically are."

Glinda paused.

Her jaw dropped so hard she could

have sworn it hit the floor.

"What." She said.

"When...we were in college, I always

had feelings for you—though my obsession with my studies made it

hard to determine." Dillamond smiled.

"After your fallout with Elphaba, I figured I should make myself a companion—I felt so lonely and desperate without you—I took one of your old brushes, combined your hair DNA with!my...er...swimmers..." the goat

laughed a great bleating laugh. "And I made Billy from a faux womb."

Glinda paused, wide-eyed. She stared at Dillamond, who pulled back the neck part of his coat a little with his hooves.

"YYYEEEAH!!" Exclaimed Glinda. "His mutant baby really IS mine!!"

Meanwhile, Mombi was still fighting Dorothy. She delivered quite a punch to Dorothy, who then gave a gasp when she realized the stone was missing. She gulped, and realized just exactly where the stone had gone.

She had swallowed the Stone.

Dorothy smiled once she knew what had happened, and cracked her knuckles. Mombi, however, seemed very, very nervous.

"...oh sweet mother of Baum." She said.

"I heard the

men saying

something

The captains tell they pay you well

And they say they

need sailing men

to

Show the way and

leave today

Was it you that

said, "How

long?""

After she had swallowed the Stone, Dorothy found herself capable of levitating objects by using her mind to project a green aura on them.

She lifted a massive rock and tossed it at Mombi, but Mombi jackhammered it out of the way with her enormous muscles that she instantly grew.

"They say the

sea turns so dark

that

You know it's

time, you see the

sign

They say the point

demons guard is An ocean grave

for all the brave

Was it you that

said, "How long,

how long

How long to the

point of know

return?""

Mombi then conjured the power of lightning, but each time she struck a bolt at Dorothy, Dorothy would re-direct it back at her.

"Your father, he

said he needs you

Your mother, she

said she loves you

Your brothers,

they echo the

words

"How far to the

point of know

return?"

"Well, how

long?""

Dorothy gave a loud war screech and the powers of the Stone covered her in a shield resembling a

muscular body, strong enough to match the current strength of Mombi. With a blast of her energy shield, she was able to knock Mombi to her feet, and grab her guitar.

"Today I found

a message

floating

In the sea from

you to me

You wrote that when you could

see it

You cried with

fear, the point was

near

Was it you that

said

"How long to the

point of know

return?""

Though the Kansas girl didnʼt know how to play a guitar, the Stone of MaʼGuʼFeen did. The Stone took

control of her psyche and made her play some seriously awesome licks that made the guitar transform from a dark, edgy black guitar to a nicer, less spiky one colored spring green. Dorothy kicked Mombi to the ground, and with the powers of the guitar, started to make her fade away.

"You will never defeat me, girl, even if you did swallow the stone..." Mombi taunted.

"Defeat you?" Dorothy asked. "Funny you should mention—cause I already did."

A blinding light covered everything.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Mombi exclaimed as she completely faded away from existence.

—————

A grand celebration was thrown in honor of Dorothy saving the city once again. The people of Oz danced and partied and had a grand time overall.

"Thank you very much everyone,"

said Dorothy, "but I would like to go home, now..."

Once everyone had said their goodbyes, Dorothy clicked her heels together three times once again.

(*Clik!*)

"Thereʼs no place like home..."

(*Clik!*)

"Thereʼs no place like home..."

(*Clik!*)

"Thereʼs no place like home..."


	10. The Rest Of The Story

After the battle of Oz, things went pretty great I must say...

The Tin man settled down and became the co-captain of the AmOzons, and married a lovely little woman...a toaster.

Jack Pumkinhead lived with Ozma as her son, eventually he graduated from Shiz, at the top of his class.

Billina decided to stay in Oz and

become a famous performer.

The scarecrow became an accomplished professor at the newly-rebuilt Shiz University along

with the slightly overworked Doctor Dillamond.

Speaking of Dillamond, he and Glinda tied the knot a week ago, and Glinda became his step-mom. Billy, Jo, and Amy are still friends, much to the delight of their parents.

General Ginger, though she was gone, left the AmOzon army, with a new leader—Bob the Kalidah!

Bob the Kalidah started a support group for every effeminate, gay Oz creature looking to come out, after being inspired by the epic way he did. And, he also found he wasnʼt the last Kalidah after all!

Tik Tok lived right next door to the Tin Man, he now has a successful career as a model for Dillamondʼs inventions.

Ozma continued her great rule, rebuilding Oz, being more like a powerful female executive than a queen, and leading tai-chi classes on weekends.

The Lion eventually learned to live with his beautiful bride, the Hungry Tigress.

Dorothy eventually woke up, and found that she was discovered by an Aboriginal man (who thought she saw the Dreamtime). When

she went back to Kansas the next week, she thought about the old farm, and to this day, she still thinks about Oz every now and then, wondering when sheʼll return to the magical place.

End.


End file.
